Today

First I have to say a very heartfelt THANK YOU to everyone who left comments on the last post. I know I say it all the time, but you guys are awesome! I love being part of a community of people who are so caring and so supportive. I just can't say thank you enough. I'm telling you, I'm attributing the sense of calm we've had this week to the prayers that I know we've been covered with. It means so much to us.

I won't make you wait too long for the update. I went this morning for more blood work and heard the results around lunch time. It's good news! HCG was up to 1870. (For those who are interested in more specific information, today I'm 20 dpo.) The nurse said that sounded great, and I'm scheduled for our first ultrasound on Monday morning. Monday is my 33rd birthday. I'm really, really hoping it will be a good day, possibly even the best birthday ever.

Although I'm doing my best to focus on one day at a time, I can't help but spend a little bit of time reflecting on where we were exactly 3 years ago today. On January 22, 2007, I had a scheduled D&C after finding out at 10 weeks that our 6th pregnancy was a "blighted ovum." It was 3 days before my 30th birthday. And it was a very dark time for us.

At the end of pregnancy #4 in July of 2005, the fertility specialist we were seeing at the time basically had told us that there was nothing more she could do for us. (It still shocks me to even write that!) We weren't sure where to turn, so we began seeing a high-risk pregnancy doctor in the area (on the recommendation of my regular ob/gyn), who suggested after some testing that we try Lo.venox injections with the next pregnancy. We tried this for pregnancy #5 in July of 2006 to no avail. We were giving the injections another try for pregnancy #6, but with each ultrasound we just weren't seeing enough progress. My HCG levels were great, but at 7 weeks we were still only seeing a yolk sac. We waited another 2 weeks for a final u/s, but there was still no heartbeat. No baby. That was our first time to receive that kind of diagnosis. I realized that as awful as it is to be told that our baby's heart had stopped beating, it was equally devastating to be told that the baby we thought we'd been growing and nourishing for 10 weeks wasn't even there.

We were crushed. And to make matters much worse, my ob/gyn called me at home to tell me that her guess was that I had some sort of genetic problem that would never allow me to have biological children. If I was crushed before, this time I felt like my world had shattered into a billion tiny pieces. I couldn't believe she would call me up at an already vulnerable time to tell me such news on a hunch. Chuck and I were sent into a tailspin. We made an appointment with a genetic counselor, who told us she had no reason to think that we could never have a full-term pregnancy. After such an emotional roller coaster, we made it our mission to find a doctor who would take good care of us. We wanted someone who would take our gigantic stack of medical records and try to make sense out of it all. We wanted someone who was confident and took pride in his work, someone who would be eager to help us find a solution. Fortunately, we found Dr. G in the summer of 2007.

We have come a long way in the past 3 years, at least as far as getting good medical help is concerned. This is our first pregnancy under Dr. G's care and we feel like we are finally in good hands. I know that a doctor ultimately can't make a baby stick, but we truly feel as though we've been given a fresh start. And for now, that's all we can ask for.

I don't think that looking back and remembering where you've been is a bad thing. But as my dear friend reassured me today, this pregnancy is looking good today. Right now with the information we have, there is no reason to be worried. Today is where we are and today is what really matters!