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Friday, January 22, 2010

Today

First I have to say a very heartfelt THANK YOU to everyone who left comments on the last post. I know I say it all the time, but you guys are awesome! I love being part of a community of people who are so caring and so supportive. I just can't say thank you enough. I'm telling you, I'm attributing the sense of calm we've had this week to the prayers that I know we've been covered with. It means so much to us.

I won't make you wait too long for the update. I went this morning for more blood work and heard the results around lunch time. It's good news! HCG was up to 1870. (For those who are interested in more specific information, today I'm 20 dpo.) The nurse said that sounded great, and I'm scheduled for our first ultrasound on Monday morning. Monday is my 33rd birthday. I'm really, really hoping it will be a good day, possibly even the best birthday ever.

Although I'm doing my best to focus on one day at a time, I can't help but spend a little bit of time reflecting on where we were exactly 3 years ago today. On January 22, 2007, I had a scheduled D&C after finding out at 10 weeks that our 6th pregnancy was a "blighted ovum." It was 3 days before my 30th birthday. And it was a very dark time for us.

At the end of pregnancy #4 in July of 2005, the fertility specialist we were seeing at the time basically had told us that there was nothing more she could do for us. (It still shocks me to even write that!) We weren't sure where to turn, so we began seeing a high-risk pregnancy doctor in the area (on the recommendation of my regular ob/gyn), who suggested after some testing that we try Lo.venox injections with the next pregnancy. We tried this for pregnancy #5 in July of 2006 to no avail. We were giving the injections another try for pregnancy #6, but with each ultrasound we just weren't seeing enough progress. My HCG levels were great, but at 7 weeks we were still only seeing a yolk sac. We waited another 2 weeks for a final u/s, but there was still no heartbeat. No baby. That was our first time to receive that kind of diagnosis. I realized that as awful as it is to be told that our baby's heart had stopped beating, it was equally devastating to be told that the baby we thought we'd been growing and nourishing for 10 weeks wasn't even there.

We were crushed. And to make matters much worse, my ob/gyn called me at home to tell me that her guess was that I had some sort of genetic problem that would never allow me to have biological children. If I was crushed before, this time I felt like my world had shattered into a billion tiny pieces. I couldn't believe she would call me up at an already vulnerable time to tell me such news on a hunch. Chuck and I were sent into a tailspin. We made an appointment with a genetic counselor, who told us she had no reason to think that we could never have a full-term pregnancy. After such an emotional roller coaster, we made it our mission to find a doctor who would take good care of us. We wanted someone who would take our gigantic stack of medical records and try to make sense out of it all. We wanted someone who was confident and took pride in his work, someone who would be eager to help us find a solution. Fortunately, we found Dr. G in the summer of 2007.

We have come a long way in the past 3 years, at least as far as getting good medical help is concerned. This is our first pregnancy under Dr. G's care and we feel like we are finally in good hands. I know that a doctor ultimately can't make a baby stick, but we truly feel as though we've been given a fresh start. And for now, that's all we can ask for.

I don't think that looking back and remembering where you've been is a bad thing. But as my dear friend reassured me today, this pregnancy is looking good today. Right now with the information we have, there is no reason to be worried. Today is where we are and today is what really matters!

21 comments:

Life In Mazes said...

Awesome news!

Prayers continue to be raised to heaven for your growing family!

prayerfuljourney said...

One day at a time is a perfect motto for all of us to live by no matter where we are on our life journey...afterall...that is all we have..yesterday already happened and tomorrow is yet to come. It's tough. I know...I'm always looking to the future and I often forget to enjoy what I have for the moment. Thanks for reminding me to live for today.

That is such a blessing that you found a good dr who will take care of you and your little one. Praying everything works out. :)

Joylene Green said...

Glad to hear your good news today!

Continued hopes and prayers.

twondra said...

Oh, Stacey, that's my girl. :) One of the quotes I love to live by is:

Live in the present and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.

It breaks my heart to hear the details of what you've been through. You amaze me with your strength. (((HUGS)))

Marian said...

Step by step, day by day...that's all you can do!!! Hooray for the good HCG #s! Grace & Peace for today dear sister.

Parenthood For Me said...

This is terrific news! Finding the right doctor can mean everything. I am thinking of you!

just me, dawn said...

so happy for you! and one day at a time is perfect....and quickly you will find yourself holding a miracle.
can't wait to hear about monday!

A said...

That is an excellent beta! I think it is awesome that you have people in your life who encourage you with such great thoughts like today you have no reason to worry- your pregnancy is looking good today!! I will continue to lift you and hubby and little one in prayer!!

Michelle said...

Stacey,
You are my hero. Not only have you and your husband experienced all this horrible stuff, but you have managed to stay faithful to each other and God. That's amazing to me. I am sooooo happy for you and will be praying that THIS IS IT! Please keep us updated. God is good!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Love you~Michelle

Michelle said...

FANTASTIC NEWS!!!! You are in my thoughts and prayers always. I am so happy that you found a good doctor. That makes such a big difference.

Stick baby stick!!!

Katie said...

Gosh, you've been through so much. I really hope and pray that this is IT!!!!!

I added you to my celebrations bar!

Paxton said...

Hi Stacey, nice to meet you I have popped over from Tammy's blog to wish you congratulations. I really look forward to follwoing your story. As I read what you have been through in the past I am reminded of a good friend of mine who like you had six miscarriages and was told she had some sort of genetic problem which would mean she would probably never have a child. She now has a little girl - the result of pregnancy number 7. Hopefully this is lucky 7 for you too, Stacey. You are in my prayers :)

Journeymark Cards & Gifts said...

This is fantastic news Stacey. I cannot wait to hear about the visit on Monday and look forward to celebrating with you on your birthday!!!

Alicia said...

This is awesome! You have been through so much thanks for sharing your story. I'm hoping and praying that you will have the best birthday ever!!!!!!

Jenileigh said...

Hanging in here with you! Hugs!

entrusted said...

I'll be eagerly checking in on Monday (and praying until then)!
-andreajennine

Jennifer said...

Hi Stacey...I found your blog today through another TTC blog. Your story made me cry...but in a good way. God's plan for us is not something I can ever understand, but He does have one and it is perfect. I am so happy for your good news and will pray that you have a safe and healthy pregnancy.

DeniFay said...

Stacey!!!! Yea!!! I'm sorry I'm late getting your awesome news, I've been away from a computer all weekend!! So I have enough exclamation marks?!?! I'm so excited for you. I know that after losing more than one baby you're scared to get too excited, but I'll jump up and down for you! God does work in mysterious ways and you never know what He has in store, but I know that He's amazing and surprises us in such great ways. I'm praying praying praying that your baby gets right here in your arms safe and sound with some little freckles that come from your angel babies above!! So excited to hear all the progress as it comes. Take good care of yourself and spoil you for the next 9 months! Hugs and mountains of prayers!

I Believe in Miracles said...

Glad the beta numbers look good! Praise God.

Thinking and praying for you today, for your ultrasound, and for an absolutely fabulous birthday gift.

xoxo

Jenn said...

What a wonderful birthday present for you. Cannot wait for the rest of the story!!

Sunny said...

Father, we praise YOU!!!!!!!!

hcg sounds even better than my last comment! LOL