Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Three Months

My girl is three months old today!

Time has truly been flying these days. I can't believe how quickly Christmas is approaching, especially when I think back to this time last year and all that has happened since.

Last year, this day was CD1 (cycle day one) and it was the day that brought clear proof that our first IUI had not been successful. I wrote a post that day called Maybe Someday, and reading those words again brought back those emotions I felt when I wrote them a year ago. It was hard getting that news a few days before Christmas -- a holiday that we all know can be tough when you're without children of your own. The news had been difficult, but we had plans to try again with the new cycle. I remember that at least that part was encouraging. The end of my hopes for the previous cycle brought with it a fresh start and another chance at a pregnancy.

We'd been waiting three years. It had been that long since our last pregnancy. That was disappointing to me, but I welcomed the break from experiencing heartbreaking miscarriages. I wasn't sure how I might handle a seventh loss if that's what would happen, but I was finally putting my heart back on the line again. The IUI route was totally new to us, but it was a decision we'd put much thought and prayer into. By December 21, 2009, we had a clear plan for IUI #2. The only issue was that it would be tricky to do a timed cycle during the holiday season. With that in mind, though, we decided to go through with it and just do whatever we needed to do, which included a break in the middle of our time with family in Louisiana to drive back to Houston for a doctor visit and then all the way back to Louisiana.

It all seemed well worth it when we went to the doctor for the ultrasound and saw that I had a nice big 29mm follicle that was ready to go! I had the trigger shot to guarantee that I'd ovulate, and we would return in a couple of days for the insemination. My hopes came crashing down, however, when we found out a few hours later that the IUI was canceled because there would be no doctor in the office on the day after New Year's -- when we needed things to happen. I knew right then that our chance was gone. We'd had a plan and it was going beautifully, but I hadn't anticipated this. We returned home from our travels feeling lower than we'd felt in a long time. I remember telling my doctor over the phone that our chances weren't good at all. Because of the traveling, my husband and I hadn't been "together" in nearly a week and I was sure we'd missed our chance. He reassured me that we could try again next cycle.

As you already know, the cycle that began on December 21 last year, that 29mm follicle, that chance that I thought we'd surely lost, turned into my beautiful baby girl who turns three months old today. She's my reminder that God doesn't need my plans in order to make things happen. That day was the beginning of my "Maybe Someday," even though I wouldn't know it for about another month.

This Christmas finds me in such a different place when compared with last year... and the previous eight Christmases or so.

There is a new ornament on my tree.

There are three stockings on my fireplace.

And, finally, there's a miracle in my arms.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a year full of miracles in 2011!