I really, really don't want to step on the toes of my dear friends who are parents. At the same time, I want to stick to the promise I've made to myself to blog what I'm feeling. Obviously I ultimately see things from my own perspective, so I welcome any comments that would show me another point of view.
I'm confused about a few things. Every now and again I get some comments from my mommy friends about how they're jealous that I get to travel. In fact, the most recent one was more like, "Let's not talk about how you went to New York last week." I don't know what to do with that. Here's what I find confusing. My friends know that as much as I love to travel, my heart's desire is motherhood. I have a lot of friends who talk about their kids 99% of the time, yet I never say to them, "Let's not talk about how you get to be a mommy." That would be taboo, right?
Yes, one reason I'm able to travel so much is because I don't yet have children. Chuck and I have made some wonderful memories over the past few years, and we've been amazed at the opportunities we've had to see parts of the country we never thought we'd see. We are so grateful for those times. Traveling doesn't erase the pain of recurrent miscarriage. It does, however, help us make happy memories in the midst of our grief.
This all boils down to a larger issue that bothers me. Let me preface this by saying that I've never been a mom before. I can try to imagine the struggles, the exhaustion, and the constant demands of having children, but really I don't know how that feels. That being said, it bothers me how many people out there talk about their children as if they are a tremendous burden and inconvenience. The notion that a person could sure do a lot of traveling and other fun stuff if they weren't tied down by some kids drives me batty. For one, most (ok, all) of the people I know with children weren't forced to have them. Second, who says that traveling and having kids are mutually exclusive? I'm sure traveling with kids is expensive and somewhat difficult, but lots of people do it.
I guess I'm tired of being looked at by some as the "lucky" girl who gets to have lots of time to herself, sleep in, and go on cool trips... all because she doesn't have kids. I love all of that stuff, but you should know that I use all of it to fill the void in my life that recurrent miscarriage has left.
I'd give it all up for the chance to have children. No regrets.