The "M" Word

Thank you for all of the sweet and supportive comments, friends. I'm doing well. So far so good, although I can't say I don't spend some time thinking about the "m" word -- miscarriage.

Right now I'm 6 weeks, 2 days. I know it's true for any pregnancy, but these next 5-6 weeks will be critical. I can't help but anticipate the next ultrasound appointment next Thursday. When I was pregnant with Lily, my second ultrasound was at 6w5d, and we saw and heard that wonderful little heartbeat that began to put our minds at ease. I'll be three days further along with this baby at the time of the ultrasound, so I'm hoping and praying that it will be good news. I'm desperate to see that heart beating. Thankfully my appointment is early that morning, so I won't have to wait all day to find out if it's good news or bad.

With a history like mine, I can't help but think about miscarriage sometimes. I am, however, feeling hopeful and find myself making plans and daydreaming about a family of four. At this point, though, all I can do is hope and pray. And wait.

In the meantime, I got some other news this week about another unpleasant "m" word.

Let's back up to two weeks ago, March 23, two days before I got the positive pregnancy test. I had my annual checkup with my dermatologist that day. It had been a little over a year since I'd seen her last because of being busier in general with a toddler. Last time I was in her office, I was 7 or 8 months pregnant. (Imagine trying to fit all of that into a paper gown!) My husband and I have been getting these checkups every year for the past 10 years because we are both fair-skinned and have several moles that we like to keep an eye on. Hubby has a family history of skin cancer, from both his mother and grandmother, and our routine visits paid off about 5 years ago when our doctor found an early melanoma on his back and was able to remove it. Since then we've been even more careful to keep our checkups up to date.

At my appointment two weeks ago, the doc decided to biopsy a mole on my arm that had grown quite a bit since my last visit a year and a half ago. In the past 10 years I have had three previous biopsies: from my arm, my back, and the top of my head. All have come back negative for skin cancer, until now. I got a call this week to come in and "discuss" my pathology report, and I had a sinking feeling that all was not fine. So, I heard that other "m" word, melanoma, on Wednesday.

The two good things about this are that we caught it early, and that I happen to live near a city with an excellent cancer hospital. I have an appointment for a consultation on April 17 with the melanoma surgeon there, and then we'll schedule a date to have this nasty thing removed. I'm ready to get it over with, just for peace of mind. There's never a good time to learn that you have cancer growing on your skin, but it's particularly unnerving for me to think about it at all while there's a baby growing -- hopefully -- in my body.

I know it's all going to be okay; it has just been a lot for me to deal with all at once. The early weeks of pregnancy generally provide just about all the stress I can handle! It's been a tough week for me, but I'm holding out hope that the next few weeks will hold signs of a healthy, growing baby and a quick resolution of this melanoma on my arm.

Again, thanks for your words of encouragement and thanks for your continued prayers for us and for baby.