Monday, December 21, 2009

Maybe Someday

Well, our hopes for a successful first IUI are over. By Friday I was pretty sure that it would turn out to be negative, and Saturday the home pregnancy test I took confirmed my suspicions. I had decided that I would try to test again on Monday to be sure, but by last night I knew that today would be the start of a new cycle. No need to test again. I guess that is something positive about all of this; the turnaround is pretty quick. You can hit "reset" and start all over again in a matter of days. But sure, there's still disappointment.

I told myself that I would not freak out if this didn't work and I've partially kept up my end of the bargain. I did have a good cry late Saturday night, when I was still and quiet enough to let all of the worries and anxiety sink in. Okay, and I had another good cry today when I found out that my holiday plans with my family would be interrupted by this cycle's day 12 ultrasound. But ultimately, I'm okay. We had decided that we were going to commit to this no matter what day or season, so we are sticking to that plan. Fortunately, my family is very flexible and will work with us. I'm just a bit sad that some of our time together will be cut short.

So here we are. We're facing Christmas week with some disappointment but trying to hang on to joy in our hearts for the season. And we know we'll be okay. We've been through much harder things together, so we know that we can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and try this thing again.

And ultimately, we're still hoping that someday things will start to go our way. Maybe someday.

This song by Rob Thomas has really been speaking to me lately, and I wanted to share the lyrics with you here. (I know, I can hear just about any song right now and think it relates somehow to infertility!)
If I don't write again this week, I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas!

Someday (Rob Thomas)

You can go, you can start all over again
You could try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide, hold all your feelings inside
You could try to carry on when all you wanna do is cry

And maybe someday we'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
And try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow, someday

Now we wait and try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away then maybe you could change your mind
You can run, oh, and when everything is over and done
You could shine a little light on everything around you
Man, it's good to be someone

And maybe someday we'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
And try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow, someday

And I don't wanna wait, I just wanna know
I just wanna hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight, tell it to me slow

'Cause maybe someday we'll figure all this out
We'll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now that
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow, someday

'Cause sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again


Connie said...

I pray you know how loved you are. We can't wait to see you. I'm holding on to "someday" with you. XOXO

Andrea said...


Melody said...

I'm sorry Stacey. I'm so glad this hasn't effected your determination in picking back quickly. I'm praying.

Life In Mazes said...

I hope you are able to enjoy the time that you do have with your family! I am sure it is going to be festive and what a season to be hopeful! I am very hopeful for you all and I will keep you in my prayers!

DeniFay said...

I'm so sorry for your disappointment!! Know that I understand and hurt for you! I hate that this will interrupt your family time too, but press on. Also, love Rob Thomas, thanks for sharing the song and I'll be thinking of you!

Becky said...

I am so sorry Stacey. Praying for comfort for you both and for your "someday" to be very soon. I am very proud of you for pressing on. ((HUGS))

kirke said...

I'm sorry this cycle didn't work out, but your attitude is great. I like IUIs for the exact same reason. When one cycle ends, another one is beginning, and the hope can begin as again as well. Thinking of you this holiday season!

Michelle said...

So sorry about the BFN. I am sending you lots of prayers and hugs! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas despite the disappointment.

Alicia said...

Praying for you(((hugs))). This is so so hard.....but hopefully some day soon you'll have your little one. Merry're such an encouragement to me Stacey.

Andi said...

I'm so sorry to hear this, Stace.

Sharon said...

I'n sorry Stacey!!! (((hugs)))

Kate said...

I am so very sorry, Stacey.

Hope in Virginia said...

I'm so disappointed to hear that this cycle didn't work out. You have such a positive attitude, though I'm sure it takes a lot of work. I'm praying for you.

Jenn said...

You and Chuck are really strong people. Glad you have each other. Hang in there. Love you and Merry Christmas!

Sunny said...

Stacey, if my arms could reach thru this computer right now, know they would be hugging you. I'm so sorry. The lyrics to that song are beautiful. I'll have to go listen to it. I'm sure I've heard it but can't place the tune in my head. Love ya, girl.

Becky said...

That is a real nice song and I agree it does relate to infertility. It is weird how we can cry our hearts out one day and be totally fine the rest of the month, except when we find out another one of our friend's got pregnant after 1 or 2 tries. You are not alone!

Charisa said...

I'm so sorry, Stacey. Love you and praying too.

Jenileigh said...


twondra said...

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. I know no matter how "okay" you are, it's still a loss and still hurts. I'm thinking of you and praying for you. I hope you have a merry Christmas.

Someday sweetie we'll be sharing pictures of our children and maybe I'll come back to Texas so our kids can hang out together. :) It's gonna happen, hon.

Love you!!

Abby said...

I'm praying for you!!!

Also, thanks for the song... PERFECT!

Indy said...

I'm sorry...I am still praying for you, Stacey.

~S said...

I'm so sorry, Stacey! I'm glad you and Chuck have each other. I'm praying for you two.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry, dear. Praying for sustaining grace for you...

I Believe in Miracles said...

I'm so sorry sweetie. Been praying for you and thinking about that cycle a lot. I specifically came by to check and see if you'd posted anything. Praying for the next one, and for God's provision for the desires of your heart.

beth ewing said...

i'm a little behind but i'm so sorry it didn't work this month. you seem to be doing well under the circumstances. it is good that it's a quick turnaround on these cycles but i feel you that the timing doesn't always fit your schedule. we always seemed to be ovulating at bad times (family staying at our my parents RV in FL...etc).