Maybe Someday

Well, our hopes for a successful first IUI are over. By Friday I was pretty sure that it would turn out to be negative, and Saturday the home pregnancy test I took confirmed my suspicions. I had decided that I would try to test again on Monday to be sure, but by last night I knew that today would be the start of a new cycle. No need to test again. I guess that is something positive about all of this; the turnaround is pretty quick. You can hit "reset" and start all over again in a matter of days. But sure, there's still disappointment.

I told myself that I would not freak out if this didn't work and I've partially kept up my end of the bargain. I did have a good cry late Saturday night, when I was still and quiet enough to let all of the worries and anxiety sink in. Okay, and I had another good cry today when I found out that my holiday plans with my family would be interrupted by this cycle's day 12 ultrasound. But ultimately, I'm okay. We had decided that we were going to commit to this no matter what day or season, so we are sticking to that plan. Fortunately, my family is very flexible and will work with us. I'm just a bit sad that some of our time together will be cut short.

So here we are. We're facing Christmas week with some disappointment but trying to hang on to joy in our hearts for the season. And we know we'll be okay. We've been through much harder things together, so we know that we can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and try this thing again.

And ultimately, we're still hoping that someday things will start to go our way. Maybe someday.

This song by Rob Thomas has really been speaking to me lately, and I wanted to share the lyrics with you here. (I know, I can hear just about any song right now and think it relates somehow to infertility!)
If I don't write again this week, I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas!

Someday (Rob Thomas)

You can go, you can start all over again
You could try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide, hold all your feelings inside
You could try to carry on when all you wanna do is cry

And maybe someday we'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
And try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow, someday

Now we wait and try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away then maybe you could change your mind
You can run, oh, and when everything is over and done
You could shine a little light on everything around you
Man, it's good to be someone

And maybe someday we'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
And try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow, someday

And I don't wanna wait, I just wanna know
I just wanna hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight, tell it to me slow

'Cause maybe someday we'll figure all this out
We'll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now that
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow, someday

'Cause sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again