Change of Pace

As they often do around this time of year, things have really been picking up around here. We returned home late Sunday from our Thanksgiving travels. It seems I have been working virtually non-stop on laundry, with breaks here and there to do some online Christmas shopping! We put our Christmas decorations up last Monday so it would be taken care of when we got home from Thanksgiving. We are so happy we did that.

It was great to walk in and find it already done and looking so festive and welcoming.



This week I also worked on addressing Christmas cards, which Chuck dropped in the mail for me on his lunch break today. We send out an insane amount of Christmas greetings each year. This time it was around 165! How many do you send?

We still have some shopping, wrapping, and outdoor decorating to do, but I'm finally starting to feel at least somewhat prepared for the holidays. There's even a chance of snow in Houston tomorrow!

We'll be leaving town again this weekend to go visit my family. Today my sweet little nephew N turned 7 years old. We are excited to celebrate with him over the weekend. When I spoke to him several days ago, he asked me if our bags were already packed and ready to go! What a sweetie.

This season always brings about a change of pace with all the activities that take place. The title of this post, however, signifies another change as well.

After discussing some of our concerns at the consultation with our doctor in October, we decided to step things up a bit. Although I know it may be hard for many of you to believe, we are now in the middle of our first cycle with the aid of fertility drugs. To clarify, in 8 years of trying to have a baby, my husband and I have conceived 6 times on our own, with each pregnancy ending in miscarriage. We have been under the care of fertility specialists for many years now, but it is only in the last 2 years or so that we have had trouble conceiving. Although we were never opposed to fertility drugs, we never needed to consider them before now. All this time our story has been about loss much more than it has been about trying to conceive. Even now it's hard to think of making something happen to achieve pregnancy when our true concern is what will happen AFTER. At the same time, we know that we will never find out until we take that step.

And so, this cycle marks my first experience with Clomid. I was nervous about taking it the week of Thanksgiving because of our plans to be away from home, but it went okay. I wasn't much more emotional or moody than I normally am. :)

Yesterday the first ultrasound showed 4 follicles, but only one that really looked promising at 18 mm. I have another appointment tomorrow to see how things are progressing and we will go from there. All of this is a huge change of pace for us, and even sharing all of these specifics feels so out of the ordinary for me. It feels like I'm reading an entirely different blog!

We are trying to remain as hopeful as we can. As wonderful as the idea of pregnancy is, remember that it is also a very scary time for us. While we would celebrate any life that we are given for as long or short a period of time, another loss would be devastating. A positive test is just the beginning and not the ultimate goal. Still, I'm asking the Lord to answer our prayers. I'm asking Him to intervene. I'm begging for a miracle and pleading for a fresh start.

Now that I've let the cat out of the bag, I will post some updates on how this cycle is going. It is a HUGE step outside of my comfort zone, though, as this area of my life feels so fragile and so tender still. My natural instinct is to keep it protected. For some reason it has been far easier for me to share the emotional side of my struggle than it is to divulge the physical day-to-day happenings.

You guys mean so much to us and your support is appreciated more than I could ever express. I can't thank you enough for choosing to walk this road with us! We would appreciate any of your prayers and well-wishes as we try to become more aggressive in our pursuit of this dream.

P.S. For any of my real-life friends who might not know what some of this stuff means, please feel free to email me and I'd be glad to fill you in. Love you guys!