Thursday, December 3, 2009

Change of Pace

As they often do around this time of year, things have really been picking up around here. We returned home late Sunday from our Thanksgiving travels. It seems I have been working virtually non-stop on laundry, with breaks here and there to do some online Christmas shopping! We put our Christmas decorations up last Monday so it would be taken care of when we got home from Thanksgiving. We are so happy we did that.

It was great to walk in and find it already done and looking so festive and welcoming.

This week I also worked on addressing Christmas cards, which Chuck dropped in the mail for me on his lunch break today. We send out an insane amount of Christmas greetings each year. This time it was around 165! How many do you send?

We still have some shopping, wrapping, and outdoor decorating to do, but I'm finally starting to feel at least somewhat prepared for the holidays. There's even a chance of snow in Houston tomorrow!

We'll be leaving town again this weekend to go visit my family. Today my sweet little nephew N turned 7 years old. We are excited to celebrate with him over the weekend. When I spoke to him several days ago, he asked me if our bags were already packed and ready to go! What a sweetie.

This season always brings about a change of pace with all the activities that take place. The title of this post, however, signifies another change as well.

After discussing some of our concerns at the consultation with our doctor in October, we decided to step things up a bit. Although I know it may be hard for many of you to believe, we are now in the middle of our first cycle with the aid of fertility drugs. To clarify, in 8 years of trying to have a baby, my husband and I have conceived 6 times on our own, with each pregnancy ending in miscarriage. We have been under the care of fertility specialists for many years now, but it is only in the last 2 years or so that we have had trouble conceiving. Although we were never opposed to fertility drugs, we never needed to consider them before now. All this time our story has been about loss much more than it has been about trying to conceive. Even now it's hard to think of making something happen to achieve pregnancy when our true concern is what will happen AFTER. At the same time, we know that we will never find out until we take that step.

And so, this cycle marks my first experience with Clomid. I was nervous about taking it the week of Thanksgiving because of our plans to be away from home, but it went okay. I wasn't much more emotional or moody than I normally am. :)

Yesterday the first ultrasound showed 4 follicles, but only one that really looked promising at 18 mm. I have another appointment tomorrow to see how things are progressing and we will go from there. All of this is a huge change of pace for us, and even sharing all of these specifics feels so out of the ordinary for me. It feels like I'm reading an entirely different blog!

We are trying to remain as hopeful as we can. As wonderful as the idea of pregnancy is, remember that it is also a very scary time for us. While we would celebrate any life that we are given for as long or short a period of time, another loss would be devastating. A positive test is just the beginning and not the ultimate goal. Still, I'm asking the Lord to answer our prayers. I'm asking Him to intervene. I'm begging for a miracle and pleading for a fresh start.

Now that I've let the cat out of the bag, I will post some updates on how this cycle is going. It is a HUGE step outside of my comfort zone, though, as this area of my life feels so fragile and so tender still. My natural instinct is to keep it protected. For some reason it has been far easier for me to share the emotional side of my struggle than it is to divulge the physical day-to-day happenings.

You guys mean so much to us and your support is appreciated more than I could ever express. I can't thank you enough for choosing to walk this road with us! We would appreciate any of your prayers and well-wishes as we try to become more aggressive in our pursuit of this dream.

P.S. For any of my real-life friends who might not know what some of this stuff means, please feel free to email me and I'd be glad to fill you in. Love you guys!


Life In Mazes said...

Your home is beautiful and your home is definitely festive and welcome!

I am so glad that you are so hopeful and I know all about begging God to answer prayers and give a frest start. I will join you in prayer that God fulfills your desires.

A loss takes away all of that innocence of thinking that just being pregnant is enough to give you a healthy baby in your arms and we both know that is not always how it turns out.

I am so hopeful for you and will celebrate with you when your prayers are answered.

Safe travels :)

Dan & Hillary said...

What a beautiful home! Good job:-)

Like you, we get pregnant easily but still decided to use Clomid with Ovidrel trigger. Please BEG for Endometrin (progesterone)... that stuff is gold. I believe it is why we were able to carry this pregnancy to term. At the 6wk ultrasound, my RE could not find the corpus luteum... she thinks my body wasn't sustaining the prog. production long enough to sustain all the pregnancies:-(

Thanks for opening up about this.

Chuck said...

Thanks for making our home so warm and peaceful. Whatever happens in the days ahead, know that I am always by your side!

~S said...

Beautiful decorations! Thanks for sharing your journey with all of us. You're in my prayers. You have such a sweet husband!

Andi said...

Praying, praying, praying!!!

Baby On Mind said...

Your homes looks beautiful and festive. My DH put up the tree and lights but I have yet to put up any ornaments.

I am so sorry to hear of your losses. We have been TTC for 6 years and have yet to get a BFP. I cannot imagine what it would feel like to have conceived and yet lose it. I cannot say I understand how you feel but I grieve with you.

prayerfuljourney said...

That was really smart thinking to have your decorations up so when you get feel ready to start the Christmas season. Good thinking!

I'll be praying for you as you continue on the journey of becoming a parent. You'll never know what is going to happen unless you try.

Connie said...

N (and the rest of us) is SO ready for you to get here. Please drive safely!

The house is beautiful, as always! Did you do the front room tree too? I want to see a pic of it!

Praying for this miracle! Love you so much! XOXO

Amy said...

Your house is beautiful, Stacey. I love the glow of your Christmas tree. We've had ours up since last week, and have hardly used the living room lights at all!

Praying for you in this next step. I agree with "Life in Mazes" about the innocence being gone once you have experienced loss. It seems it will always be hard to give yourself fully in joy to a pregnancy, all the while wondering what could happen. But we won't go to that place on here! We will pray! And hope! And love you!

Michelle said...

Your tree and your house looks absolutely BEAUTIFUL! I hope you have a great time with your nephew this weekend.

I am sending many prayers your way that not only do you see a BFP but that in 9 months you get to see you beautiful baby!

Teresa said...

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE your house. Lordy it's pretty.

I hope you have a nice time with your fam & thanks for sharing that you are trying Clomid this month. I'm gonna be stalking your blog like crazy & be praying for a Christmas miracle :)

Sharon said...

All the best Stacy! And well done on all the Christmas cards. I'm very bad, I've stopped sending cards!!!! :-(

Beautiful Intellectual said...

we're all here for you, praying and willing you along that road

Anonymous said...

Thanks for letting us know about your Clomid cycle. Although I know it's not easy and that conceiving is just the beginning, I'm excited about the possibilities for you! I will be praying.

A said...

I love how cozy and inviting your house and decorations look! It looks like a place I'd definitely want to curl up on the couch!

I am so excited that you're being proactive as far as treatment! I will be praying for you, because I know from experience how uncertain it feels to take that step! We serve a powerful God, and I will join you in prayer that He will bless you with a healthy baby miracle!!

Alicia said...

Stacey, your home is so beautiful! It's so nice to see all the pride and joy you put into your home. I hope that you have a good trip this weekend. I'll be praying for safe traveling. Also I will be lifting you up in prayer to our great God during this time and I'm hoping that this cycle goes as hoped:) ((((Hugs))))

Sunny said...

Stacey, I'm praying with and for you! 18mm follie sounds great! I would love for us to be pg together...seeing as we've done everything else at the same time! LOL Love ya girl!

Rebekah said...

Your home looks so warm and cozy all decked out! Beautiful!!

I think so many people do believe that once they get that positive pregnancy test everything else just falls into place but you're so right- it's just the beginning.

Hoping and praying that the change of pace makes the needed difference towards a baby in the end.

PS- I'm a total slacker when it comes to Christmas cards and I'm feeling ashamed that we can't even seem to get the 20-40 ones done that we sometimes talk about. Maybe next year we'll have a baby to show off and that'll be the fire we need to get moving.

Abby said...

Stacey, first your house looks like a magazine photo!!! When can you come decorate mine???

Next, I'm praying for you both. God is in control and has great plans!

Jenn said...

Stace,what a beautiful home you have. Kaylin & I were laughing yesterday & thinking how "funny" it is that people actually bring trees into their homes to decorate. But I love it!! Thanks for sharing your journey. I know it can't be easy by any means. How blessed you and Chuck are to have so many people praying and cheering y'all on!!! God still performs miracles this day and I truly believe it will come to pass. Can't wait!!! Love you!

Vicki said...


Thank you for your kind responses on my blog. Your Christmas posting has inspired me to do a Christmas posting of my own very soon. We have decorated this year (sparingly)and I took pictures for Facebook.

I will praying for you through this cycle. I can totally understand your apprehension to post specifics...I sometimes hesitate to do that too. I can also understand your fears about recurrent miscarriage. Again, I will be praying

Helen said...

My prayers are with you.
I haven't been here in a while. I shared my story with you a long time ago..(I can't conceive).
I will keep you in my prayers that you and Chuck will have a healthy child to share your beautifully decorated home with. :-)

Samantha said...

I will be praying for you! God Bless you!

Sunny said...

Checking in on you! Hope you are doing well....