Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Not Easy

It's not easy making decisions about our future when each option is scary and uncertain, but we do it because we have to.

It's not easy putting my life on hold for years and years while I wait for something to happen, but I continue to wait as patiently as I can.

It's not easy listening to baby stories when I got another negative pregnancy test that morning, but I do it politely and don't say a word.

It's not easy hearing my husband talk about how awkward it will be to attend a baby shower for a co-worker, but I've been there more times than I can count (and I feel for him).

It's not easy for us to shop for baby gifts year after year, but we do it because we love our friends and we really are happy for them.

It's not easy getting back in touch with old friends who will wonder why I haven't had children yet, but I do it because I care about keeping in touch.

It's not easy knowing that my husband would be an amazing father and not being able to do a thing about it.

It's not easy to try again when the pain of past losses is still so fresh.

It's not easy to keep praying during times when I wonder if I'm being heard.

And it's not always easy to keep hoping and trusting, but I do it because I know that that my God is faithful.


Tina said...

Amen! He is faithful and he knows the desires of your heart He will reward you for your continued faithfullness and honor you with a child, its just so hard when we want it now and he wants it but in his time. Hugs to you.. Know that you are a woman of God and he uses you everyday to share him with all of us...:)

Anonymous said...

I hear you Sista!!!

just me said...

it's definitely not easy! and with all of the reconnecting happening like facebook's only a matter of time before I get asked: any kids? *sigh* i just say, no or not yet...they don't mean to be thoughtless. they just don't know. sending you a big hug, keep the faith.

twondra said...

You're amazing...truly. I couldn't have said it better. You have a way with words that is amazing to me. Thanks for sharing!

andrea_jennine said...

Wonderful post, Stacey. Powerful in its simply expressed truths.

Erin said...

Stacey, I love this post. It really sums up so many things that I feel too. It isn't easy, but it sure is nice to find people out here in cyberland who know what you're going through.

Kathryn said...

You expressed this so well. Thank you.

Tanner's said...

Beautiful Stacey- Just like you!

Connie said...

It's not easy being this far away when I want to give you a big hug. I love you, Stace.

prayerfuljourney said...

You are right...IF is not easy...but it's something some of us have to live with and make the best out of the situation. God is faithful and he has his reasons for our suffering and pain. But that still does not make IF easy...your words touched me today. Blessings

Abby said...

No it isn't!!!

I feel the pain of each one of them!

Hang in there Stacey!

Alicia said...

Your post was such a blessing and an encouragement! I was realy relating to, "wondering if I'm being heard."

God bless:)

~ Katie ~ said...

Hang in there Stacey! I was going to post something along these same lines...I got a baby registry book in the mail today from target- talk about knife in the heart. One day, you and the hubby will have a beautiful baby in your arms and it will be all worth it.


Stacy said...

So honest, so truthful. Have you listened to the song Silence by Joy says all that is on our hearts when we feel like God is silent to our prayers.

It's not easy Stacey...but I am so grateful that you know God is faithful even in the midst of your pain and hard journey.

Becky said...

It is definitely not easy. I admire you so much for not taking the easy way and continuing to buy those baby gifts, attend baby showers, and keep in touch with old friends. You inspire me. Sometimes I take the easy way and isolate myself so that I don't have to face those situations. For me this is not so much with old friends as I have mostly lost touch with them (not because of IF - we just were living very different lifestyles), but by not reaching out to new friends.

I continue to lift you up to our Father as you wait.

I Believe in Miracles said...

This is so true. It's not easy at all, but luckily we have an amazing God who has sacrificed so much and loves us more than we can imagine.