Yesterday I wrote a post called "Getting It Right." Inspired by an email I'd received from a friend, it was about those precious times when we feel loved and cared for during difficult times. While the topic is still fresh, I want to say a few more things about getting it right. You see, sometimes I fear that people in my life may feel too much pressure to "say the right thing" or be absolutely perfect in showing their support. Because of all of the times that I've spoken about and written about hearing the wrong thing, I worry that it may be partly my fault.
Today I simply want to say that it really doesn't take much to reach out to a hurting friend. I don't want to encourage the idea that it is nearly impossible to get it just right. Sometimes the smallest gestures touch my heart the most, and that is the message I hope to get across. I mean it when I say that if you have ever called me up to ask how my day was when you know I'm struggling, or sent a heartfelt note after hearing of a loss, or lifted me up in prayer, rest assured that you have gotten it right! I've said this before, but I don't share the link to this blog with all of my real-life friends. If I have shared it, though, it means that I trust you. The fact that you read it shows me that you care.
Being part of a community of bloggers who share in the experience of infertility and loss is also a huge source of support for me. Yesterday I received some fantastic comments on the blog from a combination of real-life friends and blog friends, and I am so grateful. I thank you for choosing to walk this road along with me and allowing me to share in your journey as well. Thanks for the great comments and stories about people who reach out to you!
To sum up, my point is this: "Getting it right" doesn't mean you have to know the right thing to say and how and when to say it. It just means sincerity, compassion, love, and friendship. That's really it. One comment yesterday praised a friend who treats her like normal instead of like a "two-headed infertility monster." That's a great example. Like any other problem, struggle, or illness, a person going through infertility needs to know that there is concern for what we are going through, but we don't want to be defined by this issue. A friend who cares and gets it right won't ignore it, they won't try to fix it, and they'll know that sometimes you want to talk about it and sometimes you'd rather forget about it. Thankfully I have a family that always receives me with open arms, and I am so thankful for my dear friends who have children and treat me like normal.
I just want to leave you with the idea that getting it right is not an exact science. There are a lot of ways to go about doing it, but it always involves a heart that cares. How you wish to show that is up to you. I feel sure that if you care, your friend will know and you'll almost always get it right!
Thanks, friends. I love you guys.