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Friday, March 13, 2009

Daydreams About Fatherhood

My husband will be a great father someday.

It is very comforting for me to know that. I couldn't be happier about it, but of course it makes me incredibly sad that he has to wait too. I constantly grieve over the fact that "my infertility" has to be "our infertility." I know he loves me anyway, but I can't help but feel some guilt and regret over that. If we ever do have children, I'm not worried at all about how he will do. He will be amazing. He would be the coolest guy they could ever meet. I know from experience that living with him is a blast!

If we have a boy someday, he will take him fishing. He might teach him how to play the guitar. They will no doubt play video games together and fly kites and laugh at silly things. Our son will know that his dad loves him. He will teach him how to grow up and be a responsible man who loves his wife and loves Jesus.


If we have a girl someday, he will take her fishing. He might teach her how to play the guitar. They will no doubt play video games together and fly kites and laugh at silly things. Our daughter will know that her dad loves her. He will teach her how to grow up and be a responsible woman who will want to marry a man just like her dad.


I watch my husband with our nephews all the time. I see how they look up to him and how he makes them laugh. He makes them feel like they are the two most important boys in the whole world. Sometimes when we're not with them (they live about 2 hours away), he'll look at me and say, "I miss my boys." It melts my heart. It encourages me every day to know he can love children who did not come from our bodies. I know that he would love an adopted child unconditionally. Our nephews share none of the same genetic material as my husband. They are my sister's boys. My sister is happily married to their daddy. I don't place what they share with their uncle any higher than what they have with their dad, but I know that their relationship with Chuck is special.


I know he loves them with his whole heart.




He has watched them grow up since they were first born. When nephew A was born in 2001, Chuck had very little experience with babies. Nephew N came along the next year, and by now Chuck has had lots of practice being an uncle. He has changed many diapers and wiped many bottoms, spent many afternoons at the park or in the backyard, and kissed away many hurts. He does stuff with them that boys love to do, and he always teaches them new things. To them, it seems their uncle can do anything: he's the very best at drawing, playing games, and building things. Even though they are boys, he isn't afraid to give them hugs and kisses.



We are fortunate to be able to live close enough to see them so often, and we have never missed a birthday or Christmas together. The boys are already 8 and 6 years old, and with each passing year I worry that maybe they won't think we're so great anymore. Thankfully, they always prove me wrong. As their aunt I have always loved them deeply, but I can honestly say that it doesn't hurt my feelings one bit when they run past me sometimes to throw their arms around their uncle. In fact, that makes me love them even more. They think he's as great as I do. I get that.


He's a great husband and uncle, and one day I know he WILL be a great father. I can't wait.

17 comments:

Samantha said...

When I read your post it broke my heart. I know exactly how you feel. I know that my husband would make a great father and it hurts to see them going through this to and there is nothing that we can do about it. My husband loves his niece more than anything and she is crazy about him. And all of my friends children are crazy about him and he feels the same way about them. I wish that there was something that I could do to change your situation. we just have to trust in the Lord and know that he is able to give us what we need. Not what we want but what we need. You should check out the blog Consider it all joy, there is a link in my blog and the bottom of the page under favortite blogs. She posted a poem a few days ago about "waiting" and it is wonderful, I know it would help you if you read it. god Bless you my friend, Samantha

Stacey said...

Thanks Samantha! I appreciate your comment and am sorry that you and your husband also have to wait.

I follow Alicia's blog and know just which post you are talking about. I loved it too! :)

kirke said...

This is such a sweet post. It is clear what a great person Chuck is (and you!!!).

I love the part about fishing and flying kites :)

Joy said...

For a minute I wondered if my sister-in-law was writing this post. Daniel's brother's wife has infertility issues and I know her husband would make a wonderful father someday! And I hope it is soon for both you and for them.

I consolidated my blogs and have a new URL. You can now find me at:
whendoesdaddycomehome2.blogspot.com

Michelle said...

This is the sweetest post I have read! It melted my heart and I am sitting crying. I can relate to it on so many levels. It's truly touching the love you have for your husband!

Connie said...

It's hard for me to type through my tears...It's hard to know what to say about such an amazing man. I cannot imagine what life would be like if you had not married Chuck. I was thinking as I was reading your post about the time I was showing the boys our wedding video. I remember how upset they were that Chuck wasn't on it. One of them said, "But Uncle goes with Aunt Stace." They can't imagine it either. He may not be blood but he is certainly every bit theirs.

I can never say enough about how much the two of you mean to us, but especially what the two of you mean to the boys. You know all of their favorite things, you are the very first people they want to call when anything happens...you laugh with them and you cry with them, you cheer them on and you're always on their side. You WILL be AMAZING parents!! I can't wait to be to your children what you are to mine...

Amy said...

What a very sweet post. I look forward to that day for both of you. It is an extremely special thing to see your husband be a good daddy. I have no doubt that Chuck will be a great one. You speak so highly of him....it is a refreshing thing to read.

twondra said...

Awww, that was so sweet. I hope Chuck was able to read it too. It made me cry. In so many ways, I feel the same with Mark. It's amazing the relationship he has with Tyler and Peyton.

Thanks for sharing!

Teresa said...

Bawling my eyes out over here. He really will be an amazing dad AND you will be the BEST mama ever. I can't wait for that day for you both either....still bawling by the way ;)

Renovation Girl said...

Beautiful post...the waiting is so heart-breaking. I hope it comes to an end soon!

Michelle said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel! I feel the same way about my husband. He is so great wit kids. He is such an amazing person...it would be such a shame if he did not get to be a dad. I hope we both get to have our dreams fulfilled.

Parenthood For Me said...

You're right. He will be a father and you will be a mother. I felt the same way about my husband and now after adopting, I enjoy watching him be a father.

sharonvw said...

You WILL both be fantastic parents, I just know it!

twondra said...

I nominated for you for an award! See my blog. :)

I Believe in Miracles said...

This had me all teary eyed. I can't wait for this day to come for both Chuck - and you!

PS - my dad took me fishing a lot! it was something special for the 2 of us.

Jenn said...

That was such an awesome post. I love your honesty and your love for your family and for life.

And so it goes (by AshaAnn) said...

Thanks Stacy for reading my blog. All the support helps with putting one step in front of the other in this journey, whereever it leads. I look forward to reading your story.