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Thursday, January 22, 2009

Facebook: A Love/Hate Relationship

Anyone who knows me in real life will wonder about the title of this post. That's because they know that I love Facebook! For a couple of years now I've been Facebook's biggest fan. I've tried to recruit my friends and family (yes, I'm one of "those people") because I think it's a great tool for keeping in touch with people. Don't worry, I haven't given up on all other conventional forms of keeping in touch. I still call people. I still write letters and send birthday cards. I occasionally even meet people for lunch! (That's saying a lot for the hermit side of me.)

Let me tell you why I love Facebook. I absolutely love that it has gotten me back in touch with dozens and dozens of college friends, many that I thought I may never find again. It's pretty effortless, it's free, and it's easy to get caught up on the past decade or so. Even with friends that I have kept in regular touch with, it's so simple to share photos and day-to-day stuff on Facebook. Really, there's a lot to love about it.

You may think I'm crazy when I tell you that I actually have two Facebook accounts. I have my regular one with all of my friends, family, classmates, and recently even my adviser from college! Several months ago I created a new account to use specifically for connecting with IF friends that I've "met" through this blog. I still don't share all of my personal information there, but it's a place slightly more private than Blogger for sharing photos and just connecting more personally with some of my blog friends. Really, it has been great. I'd love it if even more of you would find me there! (If you want to create a new account just for that like I did, or connect using your regular account you can find my profile at this link. I can't promise that anything there is super exciting, but if you're experiencing infertility and/or miscarriage and would like to have a group of friends to connect with on Facebook, come find me! One word of warning: if you already have an account and want to make a new separate one, be sure and use a different email address or you'll erase your other account, ok?!)

Alright, so here's what I don't like about Facebook. I see things there sometimes that make it hard for me to just enjoy the perks. Ultimately I guess they are just minor annoyances, but they sure do seem to bother me.

Stuff like this:


And this:


And this:


Why, people? I know these are just supposed to be cute or funny or whatever. But really they're pretty insensitive when you think about it. I know that perhaps I'm just a little sensitive to stuff like this, but these have been displayed on the profiles of my friends! I know that 90% of them are aware of my plight.

There's so much I could say about each one, but I think it's obvious why I think they're pretty hurtful. First of all, I don't know what my "super power" is but evidently it's NOT "growing people." And I don't know how "crafty" anyone thinks I am, but so far I'm not quite crafty enough to "make people." Oh, and I have no idea what I've been doing all these years that I thought I was working full time! No, I don't clock in anymore at a job, but somehow the house is getting cleaned and our clothes are washed.

I know these aren't meant to be taken literally. As a very dear friend said to me recently, though, I wish people would realize that they're not talking to a world full of fertile people only. There's a whole other topic here that could be explored about insensitive status updates on Facebook, but I'm definitely not going to tackle that one right now. I guess today my status message might read: "Stacey is really annoyed by ridiculous pieces of flair."

21 comments:

Dan & Hillary and little Russell said...

I find the posted ultrasound pictures the hardest for me and also the preggo-belly pix...

prayerfuljourney said...

What you see on Facebook just shows us all that there are some very ignorant people out there. Some people think having children is so easy and everyone can do it. IGNORANCE!! That is why we need to pray for patience, kind words, thoughts and actions...Us girls with IF are the chosen few who know better! God Bless.

Amy said...

Hmmm, I've never seen those, but I can see how they would be insensitive. I just don't add applications. I like to keep things fairly clean and simple on my page. Honestly, when I saw the first "I grow people" one, I was thinking along the lines of a motivational speaker. :) I guess I needed the picture for it to make sense to me. Who knew I was a visual learner? Okay, this may sound corny, but when I was thinking along the lines of motivational speaker for two seconds, I thought, well, you DO grow people. Just look at your last blog and wanting to do a caring ministry. And how people respond emotionally to you. You do grow people (in the way that I first understood that piece of flair). Sorry if that is corny, but it's the way my mind works, I guess.

Amy @ Experience Imagination said...

I've not seen these, but there's one circulating on some of the discussion boards I visit that reads, "I make milk, what's your superpower?" Yeah.

I'm still kind of feeling iffy on the whole Facebook thing. I can see how it would be nice to get back in touch with some of the people I used to know, but do I really need yet another internet location to suck up more time I should be spending doing other stuff? Continuing to ponder.

Andi said...

You know my stance on this, Stace. I've been saying for months now that FB is both a blessing and a curse.

And, for what it's worth, you've made me more sensitive to others.

Alicia said...

Ah yes flair. One of my friends had a cartoon on her blog which was basically a bigo prego woman complaining about the pain of child birth. I'm one of the few people who read her blog! She is intimately accounted with my IF. I then posted it on my blog for a few days and titled it I'm infertile and therefore snarky......childish I know! But why oh why do they do this to us?

twondra said...

I've had a hard time lately with Facebook as that's how I found out 2 friends were pregnant. It's hard to see that sometimes. But, it sure is nice to be able to catch up with people. :)

Sunny said...

I haven't crossed to the "dark side" aka Facebook or MySpace. I'm just not that interested in getting in touch with anyone. If I can't remember you from school then I probably don't want to talk to you anyway. That sounds so snobby of me, Stacey! eeeek! I'll just keep doing my little blog and connecting with people this way. Everyone at work keeps trying to "convert" me, though. ;)

sharonvw said...

I used to love FB but latley I've had a problem with strangers hitting on me! I mean really!! Its starting to seriously annoy me!
I also just recently had the pleasure of reading the following update:
"..... & I are thrilled to inform you all that we're pregnant with twins only thee months after our wedding!!"
I wanted to tell them to F**** Off. Not very nice of me I know!

Chuck said...

If I can't remember you from school then I probably don't want to talk to you anyway.

That's funny Sunny. I had nearly 300 people in my high school class and have forgotten a lot of them. Then when I see their faces on Facebook, it suddenly comes back. And I don't want to talk to them (because I think of how they were back then), but I'm still mad when they don't ask to be my friend. :)

andrea_jennine said...

I'm not on Facebook, and I can't decide whether I want to be or not. Connecting with people sounds nice, but managing one more online activity sounds daunting!

Anonymous said...

I love that you and "Chuck" are on FB. Reminds me of the simpler days in life. Ignorance was bliss. And I must admit, Stacey, getting a sarcastic comment from Chuck every now and again, keeps me on the lighter side of life. Y'all are great! Are there no pieces of flair on FB that say pregnant people suck? I will look around for you.
-faith

Connie said...

It makes me sad how very insensitive people can be. I LOVE that you are on facebook and I have yet another way to send you notes, send my love and superpoke you, if I feel the need! :)

Teresa said...

Ugh I hate facebook because everything is private and you can't snoop lol!

I thought I was the only one that hated those I grow people comments. They are like a slap in the face.

Cassandra said...

Here to wish you a Happy Birthday in advance. Hope you have a great weekend!

I've actually been avoiding joining Facebook with my real identity because, among other things, I don't want to see how many babies all of the former classmates etc. have had.

It never occurred to me to create a separate IF profile for Facebook. Hmm, intriguing...

Stacey said...

Cassandra, thank you for the birthday wishes! Just FYI: for my new (IF) facebook account I didn't use my real last name. That way it's not the one that would show up in a search by any of my real-life friends. Look me up if you decide to do it!

Amy said...

Stacey,

You said it all..... Thank you...

God bless you!!!

Amy

kirke said...

This is why I don't want to set up a FB account.

I know it's great for connecting with friends and people from your past....but I don't want to have to see everyone's babies...and open myself up to questions about when I am going to reproduce from people I haven't talked to since they were eating paste in kindergarten.

TRS said...

Oh. I got that t-shirt for one of my friends when she was gestating. We thought it was funny. And the only non-snarky message we could find.

Just remember what I'm noticing - Any idiot can have a baby. Apparently, I'm not an idiot.

Sometimes I feel like I'm infertile because I'm 38, single, no prospects and perimenopausal. I mean really, what's the difference? I can't even TRY to get pregnant. Woo hoo me!

Anskia Joy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rachel Lewis said...

I've been reading through your blog, and so many of your posts express how I've also felt.

In case you want to read, I've also written about FB on my blog. I can't seem to paste over the exact link from my phone, but you can search for Facebook on my blog www.thelewisnote.blogspot.com.

Thanks for writing!