Sunday, July 20, 2008

Getting a Few Things Off My Chest

During the last several years of dealing with infertility I guess you could say I've developed a few pet peeves. I'm sure these things came out of people's mouths before I tried to have children but had absolutely no effect on me back then. I thought about putting these in a post called "What Not to Say - Part 2" but I realized that they are more like little things that get under my skin personally. They're not necessarily hurtful things to say. I simply find them utterly silly.

First up is when people brag about conception. Honestly I don't have anyone particular in mind as I write this, probably because it has happened so many times! I don't know what would possess anyone to do this, but often when I tell people about my problem they want to say something like, "Well, we never had trouble having our kids," or "Wow, my wife got pregnant the very first time we tried."

I hope I never see a playback of the face I must make when I hear this. I probably look about as confused as if they had just grown a second head that started speaking to me. I want to ask if they've discovered some special skill that I've never heard of for making babies. The last time I checked, it's still the same method that has always been around! Usually what it tells me is that they haven't quite listened to what I've just said. You see, I almost always explain the specifics of our situation if I'm in a conversation with someone on the topic. I make it clear that my issue is with recurrent miscarriage. That means that we, too, do not have trouble conceiving. Either way, I don't see how it matters. I certainly don't think it qualifies for bragging rights. It's great that not everyone has trouble having babies. But our bodies were designed to procreate. No special talent is required. Animals figure it out with no instructions from us!

Admittedly, this is probably not my most edifying post. I usually try not to let my claws come out, but I really just don't get it. It's so strange to me. It's a little like hearing, "Oh, you have trouble with that? Well, it's a piece of cake for us. But good luck with that."

Ok, one more to go! This one isn't as bad, but it still leaves me standing there with a big question mark over my head. Sometimes I'll have a friend who is expecting ask me to pray that they get the gender they're hoping for. I never know how to react. I usually just smile and nod. But a part of me is thinking "I don't think I can do that." Honestly, it's not that I don't want that friend to be happy and have everything they desire. I just really struggle with this one. Maybe it's because I feel they should be happy with the boy or girl that God chooses to give them in His infinite wisdom. That being said, I do, of course, think it's normal for expectant parents to lean toward wanting a particular gender. Nevermind that their baby already either has XX chromosomes or XY, and I'm pretty sure that my prayer won't change their baby from a boy to a girl. I'm content that God already made that choice for them when He designed that baby.

The other part of this is that I think it's insensitive for them to ask a person who would love to be carrying a boy or a girl to help them out with their Wish List for God. I would never presume to tell someone how they should pray but I'm just not comfortable with this.

I think that's the end of my soap box for today. Neither of these things happened in the past week, by the way. They've just been on my mind. It's totally ok if you disagree (but expect to be blogged about later.)

Just kidding. (Or am I?)

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