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Friday, November 12, 2010

Transitioning

It's so hard to believe that baby Lily will be two months old in just a few days. On the other hand, it feels like she has been part of my life forever.

The transition has been an interesting one. Sure, caring for a new baby is pretty different from how I used to spend my days. It's hard to put into words what it felt like to go from losing multiple pregnancies to finally bringing home a baby. I guess part of that is the fact that nothing can bring back what was lost. With that being said, though, there has also been a lot of healing that has taken place in my heart over the past two months. I am so grateful for that, and I'm reminded of it every time I see her precious face!

For more than eight years I was a stay-at-home wife. Yeah, try explaining that to people when you first meet! It always opened the door to a barrage of questions about why we didn't have children and why I didn't have a job. It was difficult to explain over and over again that I had stopped working when we moved to a new state and started trying to have a baby. And then miscarriage entered my life, and before I knew it nearly a decade had passed. We had no idea how long that stage of our life was going to last. I certainly never could have predicted all that unfolded during those years.

Now I've become what I'd always wanted to be. I'm a stay-at-home mom. Bringing home baby Lily fulfilled that lifelong desire of my heart. She is my dream come true!

But dreams are funny things, you know. Sometimes mine manage to bring up some of those old fears. A few nights ago I had a dream that Lily wasn't really mine and my time with her was up. I had to return her to her real family. I seriously woke up with an empty feeling in my stomach and I gave her lots of extra snuggles that day.

Even though caring for a new baby is a full-time job and is at times very challenging, I love this place where I finally get to be. These two months have been full of some very happy times and some difficult ones too, but we're getting settled more and more each day. I'm finally feeling comfortable in my ability to read her baby cries and meet her needs every day. And although it was a bumpy road to get here, our nursing routine has finally worked out as well. Things began to improve after the second week and especially after the sixth week, and I'm so happy about that! I've heard that in terms of breastfeeding the three-month mark is another milestone, so I'm looking forward to making it that far. Lily Rae continues to amaze me. I know I'm biased, but even on her fussy days I remind myself that she truly is such a good, adaptable baby.

Our new favorite thing is her smile. This month she has really started responding to us when we talk to her. It is the most precious thing to see her little mouth transform into a big, gummy smile! Today I even caught her smiling at the ceiling fan a couple of times. :)

Here's a recent pic of her sweet smile. You can also see her little "angel kiss" between her eyes -- in the same spot where I had one as a baby. (Thanks to my blog friend Jo for the cute outfit!)

19 comments:

Hope in Virginia said...

Just lovely! She is such a cutie pie. I'm so happy that you have found contentment and are living out the dream you always had. And I'm happy that breastfeeding is working out for you. Keep the pictures coming.

DeniFay said...

Just happy for you three! Good times! God is good!

Katie said...

It's a bit weird, isn't it, this transitioning time? I remember this time from when Will was a newborn.

Like it or not, miscarriage and NOT having babies became your identity. Now that you HAVE a RLB*, your story changes. Obviously, it changes for the better, but it (like anything else) requires some getting used to. I have a 2+ year old AND a 4 month old, and there are days when I STILL haven't gotten used to my new identity. I think only someone who has experiened longterm infertility or recurrent pregnancy loss can truly understand these feelings.

Your daughter is gorgeous, lovely, and everything you have dreamed about, but her existance does not erase everything you went through to get here. Welcome to parenting after infertility: it's a wonderful, scary, and confusing ride.

Kathryn said...

Oh, Stacey, she is just a doll. You are very blessed, & she is blessed to be part of your family. :)

(Question - someone else i read is getting ready for a granddaughter & is asking "waist size" for a baby 0 to 3 months. Could you measure Lily? And her weight? Thanks :)

Birdie said...

What a doll! I love her smile!

Andrea said...

You've walked a very, long and difficult road Stacey and I can understand why the transition takes time. And you have been such an inspiration to all of us through your trials. Thank you again for your openess and honesty.

I pray that you go forward in life with nothing but success. Fix your eyes on your beautiful daughter and enjoy every ounce of her...as I know you are :) This blessing of Life, God's miracle, happened to the most wonderful person and I'm so happy for you.

Much Love and Prayer Always
xxx

iamstacey said...

Oh, Stacey, I'm just so happy for you! The sadness of the past will always be a part of who you are, but who you are is experiencing all new joys and highs! Lily is so beautiful!

Sharon said...

Stacey, so glad to hear all is going well with your Stacey! Motherhood and the transition to motherhood after recurrent MC is very hard, there are so many emotions to deal with add to that dealing with a new baby is never easy so I'm very glad to hear you're adapting.
Enjoy this special time!

beth ewing said...

baby smiles are quite possibly the best thing on the planet.

Connie said...

Nonnie loves her baby girl! XOXO

A said...

She is beautiful! Congrats mama :)

Alicia said...

She's so precious :) Enjoy that sweet lil' smile!

Rebecca said...

Thank you for the comment on my post.
Of course I'm still here supporting you! Your friendship has been a comfort and support to me in times of struggle, and I truly appreciate you for that.
Lily is just absolutely precious! Thank you for sharing her with us!

Kelly said...

I'm so glad I found your blog. DeniFay over at mine told me about you and your success after RPL. What a beautiful baby girl! Congratulations!!

I read through your TTC timeline and was wondering if there were different things you tried after your losses and, more importantly, what you think led to your sticky BFP (and your gorgeous baby!)

Jo said...

Hi Stacey - it was my absolute pleasure to send you the outfit. Lily looks beautiful in it. I am so glad she is getting some wear out of it as I did my best to try to calculate what size she would be in what season so she would get the most use out of it :) It is totally natural to go through a transition period where you try to get your head around having a baby in your life. Especially all that you went through too! Even with myself - though I know I struggled with infertility and took awhile to get pregnant, it was relatively " easy" compared to other people's stories. We got pregnant with our first try of IVF for example when I know other people who have had repeated tries with no luck. Still you get in your head this will never happen to you and when you finally bring home the baby you have a hard time getting your head around that this is your baby that you created. Its a great feeling though isn't it :) Enjoy - you deserve it!!!! xoxoxo

twondra said...

Awww, Stacey, she is so absolutely beautiful and so very precious. I'm just so thrilled for you. (((HUGS)))

Noelle said...

Congratulations on your sweet baby! The pictures aren't showing up on my computer for some reason, so I can't wait to come back later and see them.

I am so happy that you are so happy. You have had a long and difficult road, and I think it is beautiful that you finally have a little baby to hold here on Earth.

I had stopped following when you were pregnant and my pregnancy was not going well. I knew you understood, even though I just HATE that I stopped following so many people when that happened. I am looking forward to following your beautiful journey again.

Jenn said...

Just the sweetest little girl ever! :)

TRS said...

OH! Sweet congratulations!
My life got busy and I suddenly realized it has been some time since I checked in on you! SO SO happy to see sweet, beautiful Lily's face!

Soak in this happiness.
Joy. Oh joy!