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Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thankful

This year it's easy for me to say that I'm thankful. I have an amazing baby girl who is healthy and happy and here to stay, and that's something that I wasn't sure could ever happen. That is certainly reason to give thanks to the Lord! My heart is full of joy for this holiday season.

For many years it was hard for me to say what I was thankful for. Don't get me wrong; it's not that I wasn't thankful or didn't appreciate my loving family and precious friends. I have a husband who loves and supports me no matter what, and I loved the life and the home that we'd made together. All of that was true, but at the same time my heart was hurting. I knew that, if asked at Thanksgiving what I was thankful for, I wouldn't be able to speak without breaking down. For a long time I allowed the wonderful things in my life to be overshadowed by my grief and heartache.

It was around the time that I began to blog and really open up about my feelings about recurrent pregnancy loss that my heart started to change. I felt like there might be some meaning in all of this and some way of reaching out by sharing my experience. I had no idea how large the community of IF bloggers was when I started, but finding it really helped to give me a sense of purpose through that trial. To know that there were others out there who understood was also a huge help for me. Before long I was once again able to feel thankfulness -- even though I was still in the midst of a painful struggle.

Soon I realized that I could be thankful not just in spite of what I'd been through, but because of it. Let me be clear about this, though. I'm NOT thankful for miscarriage. I wish I had never gone through that horror in the first place and I wish that no one else ever had to experience it either.

But I AM thankful for...

  • Learning to lean on my Heavenly Father, and knowing from experience that He will never leave my side, even when I'm full of fear, doubt, and anger.
  • Learning that with God, nothing is impossible.
  • Seeing firsthand that I was much stronger than I ever thought I could be.
  • Reassurance that I married the most caring and loving man who would stick by me through thick and thin.
  • Renewed faith in the love and support of family and friends who prayed for us so faithfully.
  • An entire online community of new friends who encouraged me along the way and helped me find some good in a bad situation.

I could really go on and on! All of this came out of some pretty dreadful years when I felt like I was struggling just to keep my head above water. Those are the reasons why I can look back on that time and be thankful for what came out of it. I can now be so grateful for where I am today, Thanksgiving 2010.

Thank you for contributing to that, for sharing in my joy now and for holding me up when I needed support then. Wishing you all a very Happy Thanksgiving!

8 comments:

twondra said...

Beautiful and honest. Love your writing! Happy Thanksgiving! So thankful to have you in my life.

heartincharge said...

Happy Thanksgiving for you too! Thank you for pointing out the things we pick up along our infertility journey that enrich our lives, even though we wouldn't choose this journey.

Sharon said...

Indeed you have much to be thankful for!
xx

Kathryn said...

Well, i am so thankful that you have this joy and blessing. :)

Hope your day was wonderful.

Andi said...

AMEN!

iamstacey said...

I hope your Thanksgiving holidays were wonderful!

iamstacey said...

I hope your Thanksgiving holidays were wonderful!

Anonymous said...

Hi Stacey.
I just stumbled across your blog. I'm in the middle of my first IVF cycle (had the transfer yesterday!), so now in the two week wait. We have been trying for 2 years, with a miscarriage 12 months ago. I can't imagine how difficult your journey has been, but just wanted to congratulate you on your beautiful little Lily. She is precious.
All the best,
Jamie (Australia)