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Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Blogging Future?

I love blogging. I really do. Blogging has reawakened my passion for writing. It has given me a place to share and explore some really tough feelings. The beauty of blogging as opposed to journaling is the feedback. It helped me find a community of people who understood and offered support. And it has even gone above and beyond that by helping me to heal from some hurts, and by bringing new friends into my life and helping me to communicate more openly with my existing friends who follow along. I really do believe that blogging has enriched my life for the past two years. For that I am very thankful.

Some people, I know, are of the opinion that one shouldn't continue to write a blog about infertility once they are pregnant or have had a baby. Maybe you think this too, and that's okay. This is just my opinion, as always. I don't know exactly which direction my blog will take in the months and years ahead. I would love to keep blogging and I'm pretty sure that I will do that in some way. But what I can't do is stop writing about infertility and miscarriage. It may not be the topic of every single post, but it will always be part of my life. It is a huge part of my story and my personal testimony. Like it or not, it has had a large role in forming who I am today (for better or worse).

You see, I don't look at having a baby as the end of my struggle. Oh, I can definitely see how in some ways it is. It is without a doubt what I've been working for and trying for, and I know that the day our daughter is born will feel like a completion, or a culmination, in a way.

But here is something that I think a lot of people don't quite grasp: Having a baby does not replace a baby or babies that you've lost. It doesn't magically wipe away years of grief and hurt over the loss of those lives. And I suppose that this is debatable, but I don't believe that having a baby makes a person no longer infertile. Maybe that seems like an oxymoron, but I was "fertile" for six years and pregnant six times, yet still didn't have a child to raise. Conquering pregnancy loss or infertility one time and bringing home a baby doesn't mean your reproductive problems are all "cured."

That's why I don't see my journey as over. This is not a resolution to this problem for me. For as long as I live and as long as I write, my history and my experience with infertility and loss is bound to come out. It's part of who I am. My daughter will know that it's part of her story, too. I don't by any means think that it defines who I am, but it is certainly part of me.

It's also true that my experience with infertility and miscarriage has changed the way I look at things. I think we all have our filters -- the things in our past that make us see things the way we do. It's unique to each and every one of us and that's kind of what makes the world go round. And frankly, that's what I find interesting about people and about blogs. No one has the exact same story and I love to hear different perspectives.

This blog hasn't been so much about my quest to get pregnant and bring home a baby. That's not why I started writing it in the first place. It was more about how it felt to live with recurrent pregnancy loss and how I personally tried to find my way through that valley. That's why I don't think that the topic will die when I have this baby. I'm still finding my way. I'm still trying to live with what I've been through. My wounds are still healing from this battle. I know that our miracle baby will add a lot of joy to this journey and I'm so happy about that! It is long past time for us to feel some joy after so many losses and it hasn't come a moment too soon. I welcome a new chapter to this story, but I won't erase the old chapters. Besides, if they weren't there my story would look entirely different. Just like so many times before, it doesn't all end with a positive pregnancy test.

So, I'm planning to continue blogging and to keep writing what's in my heart. I still think I have a story to tell. I hope that it will be one that, even though it started out with much sadness, hurt, and waiting, will continue to become a story of perseverance, hope, and second chances.

28 comments:

Anna C said...

I love what's in your heart and I'm excited to read about whatever you write about!

Mrs.Spit said...

I'm glad.

Shirley said...

I agree...I love reading your blog...and hope you will continue to write whatever is on your heart!

Personally...still being in the "recurrent preg loss without viable pregnancy" group, I appreciate your perspective of this continuing journey...because you're right, it doesn't end with the birth of a baby. I appreciate your heart, encouragement, and support for all of us. Blog on, sister!

Kathryn said...

I found myself nodding in agreement with some of what you wrote here.

In my opinion, it wouldn't be this way if our culture/society did a better job of acknowledging these griefs.

Not entirely, of course, for grief is grief & doesn't just magically go away. But i think it is harder when we have to hold these hurts alone & others wonder why we don't "get over it" or tell us to "just adopt."

I don't, in any way look down on adopting. But folks who say this really have no clue how difficult adopting is, nor that the fact that you "finally have a baby" doesn't negate all that went before & the grief.

I love your voice & all that you share, tho of course, i'm silent much of the time these days.

Hope you have a great time with your nephews on their visit. Having them come separately makes perfect sense. They don't have to vie for your attention, & can feel like an honored prince while they are with you.

twondra said...

I always love what you have to say and you always speak from the heart. Of course infertility will always be a part of you and I'm so glad you won't stop talking about it.

You're such an inspiration. :)

Michele said...

I too worried about writing about my pregnancy... but then I realized that people did not have to read my blog. I appreciate those who stuck around and the support they give though. I'm glad you're sticking around... love to hear about progress or whatever is on your mind!

Andrea said...

God Bless you sweet friend...you truly were called to this "ministry" and we are all so grateful to know you.

Much Love,
Andrea

Rebecca said...

your blog has said so many of things that are often left unsaid. It has helped me, whose story is so different, hear and understand in some small measure a different story of motherhood and sacrifice.

I am thankful that your story includes a baby in the belly, but your story has always been about more.

I add my vote to don't stop sharing the story.

A.J. said...

I agree with that and then some! Do not change who you are or what you have to say as it will help others in their journeys as well as your own healing.

DeniFay said...

I would definately be sad if you did quit blogging! I'm very excited to see how your past will color your future and how your reactions to things with Lily will be different because of the road you've traveled. I agree with you that it is always part of our story. There are things in my farther past that have made me who I am now, and I don't forget those things either. Each step, each trial, each joy, each friend, molds us into the person we are today. I pray God continues to mold me and you more and more like Him and allow us to see Him in our children's faces!! Sending you tons of love!!

Renovation Girl said...

YAY! I'm glad you will continue. First off, it's your blog so you should write what you want! Second, I couldn't agree more-infertility doesn't end. It is a part of who we are! Third-you are living the part of the story that everyone hopes to read about, so keep reading to give hope to others!

Connie said...

You know how I feel about it. I know your heart and I know how much you continue to hurt for your losses and the losses of others. You are an inspiration! Your story begs to be told. God has gifted you with eloquence and wisdom and compassion. Blog on, Sista! Blog on!

Sharon said...

Stacey, as one who recently became a mother after many years and many miscarriages I'll say this - once infertile, always infertile, even once you have your little Lilly, you will still be infertile and you will, to some degree, still battle and grapple with the same issues.
Having a baby has made me a happier person, but I am still very much infertile.
Sure, you readership may change slightly but that's also ok, it helps to have the support of those who are mothers after infertility as well.
The transition is difficult so keep blogging!

fertility blend said...

The purpose of a blog is to write about whatever is in your heart and mind - no-one should be allowed to dictate to you what you can and cannot write about, so be free and write whatever and however you feel.

Jo said...

I for one am so glad you are happy to continue to blog about what's on your heart. I would disappointed if we suddenly only heard all the great stuff about being pregnant/having your girl etc. Not that I don't want you to feel all that great stuff - you know I wish you only good things, but I just don't feel that it would be honest. Like you said, having a baby does not erase the ones that you lost. Just because you have a beautiful baby in your home does not mean that you don't love and miss the ones that you never got to hold and kiss and cuddle. I know in myself that Xavier brings me such joy. But that doesn't mean that some days I don't cry myself to sleep over my little angel baby and the fact that I never got to know him/her. I get very hurt by people's comments sometimes. They don't know what they are saying is inappropriate but I get comments all the time like "oh well at least you have Xavier" or "aww just give Xavier a hug and you'll feel better". It doesn't work like that. So it is only natural that you will still continue to grieve your babies and you are entitled to blog about that. I love your blog and do not want you to change one single thing. xoxoxoxo PS thanks for your continued comments on my blog. Your support is really valued.

~ Katie ~ said...

I love your blog and look forward to reading it...and I can't wait to see what all transpires next :)

Ask or Imagine said...

I love all your posts, whether or not they are about IF, pregnancy, or just about life! You are a just a great blogger and you should never, ever stop =)

Indy said...

Amen...so excited to see the new direction the Lord will lead you as you continue blogging and blessing us .

Journeymark Cards & Gifts said...

Stacey, your gift of writing has been able to touch the heart strings of many women (and men). This is not only a way to continue to share your ministry, but your gift and talent will continue to bless others.

As you said, nothing can take away the pain and loss of infertility and miscarriages. However, we can take away what we have learned, all the good and bad, and form it into something great. This is what you have been able to do and am so happy to hear, will continue to do so.

Love you dearly,
Jessica

TRS said...

Your blog is your journey. Write as you see fit.


Did you see the first episode of 'Losing It with Jillian' ? THe spin off from The Biggest Loser...

Jillian helped this couple to acknowledge the infant loss that they pretended didn't happen for 22 years. It was incredibly moving and I couldn't help but think... it's good for America to witness that. Hopefully it will open communication for thousands of couples (particularly those generations that were advised to pretend it didn't happen) and maybe open the eyes of friends and family of other couples.

I was amazed and astounded.
Thought you might like to know about it.

TRS said...

I meant to share the most poignant part.

As they broached the topic, the husband sobbed and said he couldn't talk about it, because it kills him.

Jillian said, "It kills you whether you talk about it, or don't talk about it. Your wife needs you to share this with her."

:-)

Andi said...

You are a gifted blogger with a great heart and I hope we can keep hearing from you for a long time to come!

Jenn said...

I don't think you should have to quit blogging even though you will have a baby. This is your ministry (or one of them). And I TOTALLY agree with what Connie wrote!!!

~S said...

I'm so glad you'll still be blogging. I love reading your blog. Thank you for sharing your journey, your faith, and your love. You bless many. May God continue to bless you and Chuck.

Shannon said...

I'm so glad you're planning on continuing your blog once your little girl is born. I have found it inspiring and hopeful to read about pregnancies and child-rearing experiences from those who have experienced loss and infertility in the past. And I think that any parent who has experienced a loss (or losses) approaches pregnancy and parenthood from a different perspective than someone who has never experienced loss. And reading about it is helpful for those of us who are following in your footsteps.

Michelle said...

I am happy that you will continue to blog. I think you are exactly right. Having a baby does not erase all the ones that you have lost and does not mean the journey is over. Keep writing and I will keep reading! ((HUGS))

Joy said...

I think it is important to continue the blogging journey- to go from infertile to Mommy is an amazing story of HOPE for those still waiting to a baby to fill their womb.

You can change the name of your blog and even the URL without losing any of your previous posts.

Anonymous said...

thanks for this. i think i needed to hear it from someone else that having a baby does not replace the hurt or struggle you felt. i've been feeling torn by that issue lately...

i am glad you're going to keep blogging...

xoxo
Nity