Sunday, May 10, 2009

On Mother's Day...

I didn't feel that incredible sense of sadness like I normally do.

I didn't think very much about how many years I have spent waiting for a child.

Something that weighs so heavily on my mind and heart almost every other day of the year did not upset me terribly on Mother's Day, of all days.

We were not able to spend the day with either of our moms this year. We had seen my in-laws recently, and they had other weekend travel plans. We'll see my mom next week during our vacation together. It was okay that we couldn't be together with them today.

What in the world did we do, then? Chuck and I stayed overnight at his sister's house to celebrate her birthday (which is tomorrow). We had a nice dinner out, stayed up late visiting, slept in, played games together, and did some shopping. We had fun! We were busy, and I really wasn't sad all day.

Amazingly, it was Mother's Day and I didn't cry...

Until we got home and I found a bouquet of flowers left at my front door by a beautiful friend from church. She had filled a little apple juice bottle with water and put the flowers in it so they would keep until we got home. It was adorable and so sweet. Okay, so I had to wipe away a few tears then.

After having been away from my computer all day, I then checked my email. There I found the sweetest notes of love and encouragement from two of my blog pals. One took a moment away from her own special day with her daughter to write a note to me. You see, she also knows loss. The other knows what it is like to yearn for a baby for years and years. She knows what this wait feels like. Despite their own struggles, these precious friends sent words that really spoke to my heart and reminded me that I, too, am a mother. I had to wipe away a few more tears.

There was another email from a dear friend of mine. I've known her since elementary school. She is a beautiful, single woman in her thirties, who understands how isolating a holiday like Mother's Day can be for me. Like she shared with me today, she is all too familiar with those feelings when Valentine's Day comes around. What a difficult day that is for so many singles who would love to be a couple. She reminded me that others can relate to what I feel, even when their situation is different.

I found yet another email from a friend I haven't seen in about 13 years. We worked as counselors at a summer camp together all those years ago. We recently got back in touch through Facebook, and she knows my general situation. She has beautiful children of her own. I'm so humbled that she would remember me. I was so touched that she would write, because she realized it might be a hard day. My tears continued.

Heaven only knows how many wonderful friends and relatives have remembered us today, and how many have mentioned our names in their prayers on Mother's Day. I know there are others who have shown their support in the days leading up to today. Another precious friend has been praying for me all week even while she is missing her mother so badly this time of year. I'm afraid of leaving someone out, but each gesture meant so much to me no matter how small it might have seemed to the giver.

I hadn't cried a single tear today until I was able to see how much people cared. I had to give in to a few tears, but they were the happy kind. I couldn't hold them in any longer!

Although I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about my own infertility and loss today, I did think about all of my special friends. I do know that Mother's Day is a hard day for a lot of people for many reasons. Many of you mourn your children or your mothers. Some of you grieve for the children you wish you could conceive. Some understand what it's like to wait for something you deeply desire (and what it's like to have a holiday that reminds you of it). And some simply care about the hurts of others around them and aren't afraid to reach out. Whether you are mothers or not, I'm grateful for the amazing women that you are!

If you thought of us or prayed for us today, I thank you. And I really didn't mind the tears.


Anonymous said...

I'm really glad it was a good day for you too Stacey! I must say, I also never really battled with Mother's Day this year. Perhaps it has something to do with acceptance?

twondra said...

(((((HUGE HUGS))))) I thought of you a lot. So glad you had a good day with Chuck.

You're so special and such a great friend.

Marian said...

Dear sweet Stacey, for 13 years Mothers Day had been a day of isolation for me, a day for me to ask "why God?' God hears....God knows and God heals!! I do pray for you and all my other sisters who on this day have shed countless tears and requests. Hold tight to Jesus and press on!

onemorebaby said...

What a sweet post... Thank you for sharing that...

Life In Mazes said...

I did remember you in prayer yesterday at church. I have also been thinking about your courage. I had one miscarriage and suffered infertility for over 8 years and now that I find myself blessed with another pregnancy, I find myself battling so much fear of miscarrying again. I have to keep reminding myself that it is all in God's hands and not my own. I am certain there are so many graces you were blessed with as you continue to trust God with your future. You are such an inspiration to me in knowing that God will be by my side no matter what comes my way. Thank you for your prayers yesterday.
I am so glad you had fun this weekend and only shed happy tears. Isn't God's grace amazing?

Andi said...

Love you!

Tanner's said...

I ended up staying home yesterday and praying for those who I know are still waiting. For those who are mothers unable to hold their babies, for those who long to have a baby in their arms,and of course you my friend!

Amber said...

so glad you had a good day and what a great group of friends you have!

Michelle said...

What an amazing post. I'm so thankful for all my blogger friends who are a support like no other. No one can get through this alone! God bless!!!

Alicia said...

I'm glad to hear that you had happy tears on Mother's Day because people have reached out to you and touched your heart :)

God bless

Kathryn said...

Thank you for sharing. I'm glad this year was not as hard for you.

I'm finding it is a day by day walk for me. Some days i find it easier than others.

I pray that God will bless you with the desire of your heart.

Jenn said...

During church, our Pastor wished all the ladies a Happy Mother's Day. But he didn't just stop at that. He said this isn't just for the people who have conceived and given birth to children; this is for all the women who WILL be mother's in the future, for all the women who have nieces and nephews and grandchildren whom they love dearly and for teachers, friends or mentors who have been a "mom" to so many of our kids. I never really looked at it that way and I thought it was beautiful. I thought of you and silently wished you a "Happy Mother's Day". I also thought of our church's youth leader's wife because she knows how it is. She and her husband have been trying and longing for a baby for years and have been to doctor after doctor and have had procedure after procedure. She is in her late twenties but she has so many "kids" because she's a great mentor to our youth girls. I said all that to say is not just giving birth that makes you a mom!!!!