Wednesday, February 18, 2009

In Between

Do you ever feel frustrated by the world's attempts to put you into a category? I do. Especially lately.

I've never really felt like there was a label that fit me perfectly. Growing up I was somewhere between tomboy and girlie girl, but definitely not one or the other. I loved playing with dolls when I was little, but I was never into makeup, dresses, or frilly things. I was someone who enjoyed sports (although I couldn't play them worth a flip), read lots of books, made good grades, and didn't do much dating. I loved being with my friends but was also perfectly happy keeping to myself. I never quite went with the "in-crowd" or with the "outcasts." I always felt in-between. It took me a long time to learn to be comfortable with myself, but thankfully growing up has made that much easier - once I realized that I shouldn't live to seek the approval of others.

I still sometimes get frustrated in many adult settings. I don't know why we think we should all be lumped in with other people who appear to be like we are. I like having friends who are different from me. When I go to church, for example, I don't necessarily need to be paired with other thirty-something year old married couples with no children. (Nevermind I don't think there is such a group!) Actually, right now I attend a very small church with only one Sunday School group for adults. It is men and women of all ages and situations. I like that because I get the opportunity to learn from lots of people, not just people who are presumably just like me.

Let's face it. I'm still in-between. I'm a fertile infertile. I'm married with no children. I've had pregnancies but I don't live the life of a mother. I'm a stay at home wife. I don't know a lot of people who are just like me! Fortunately through this blog I've met so many of you who make me realize that I'm not alone. It is nice to find a group where you actually do fit! But most of the time when someone tries to force a label upon you, they get it all wrong. I can't assume that every married person out there wants to be a parent, or that every single person wants to be married. I've certainly learned that God can and does meet people right where they are, and he has a plan and a purpose for each of his children whether married or single, fertile or barren (or any other category you've ever been put into).

I think what I'm trying to say is that I'm not just a wife. I'm not just a woman who wants to have children either. None of us is just one thing, but we're made up of all of our life experiences and our likes, dislikes, wants, needs, and goals. I'm a hundred percent sure that this will continue to be true of me if I ever do have children. I have lived with infertility too long to simply forget that it ever happened and just move on. It has shaped me into a different person. Sure I'll be a mom, but I'll still be that girl who likes sports but can't play them, loves to read, and loves to learn about new things. I think I'll always be somewhere in between. It's just a hard place to be right now - between the dream and the reality of motherhood.


Amy said...

I'm a pastor's wife who doesn't listen to that much Christian music and occasionally watches Sex and the City. Try to find a label for that! :)

Good words, Stacey. It's nice to find a group, support, encouragement, without feeling like it is your only group.

Kathryn said...

Thank you for this. I often feel i don't fit any categories, either. : )

Renovation Girl said...

Hi Stacey. Found you through Teresa's blog. I'm so sorry to read all that you have been through!

I love this post for so many matter what phase I have been in my life, I have always felt in between. I had primary infertility and I was successful in having a son. Now that I'm a mother, I don't feel I fit in with the other mothers. They pop babies out precisely every two years and complain about birth control (HAHAHAHAAHAHA!!-I have birth control, too-it's called infertility!) It's hard to relate to these women because of all that I had to do to have a child AND all the things I have done that have NOT produced a child. Great post.

Abby said...

What a great post. We are who we are! We may not like the "title" we are given, but it's what God has planned for us.

Thanks Stacey!

Anonymous said...

Hey Stacey, I so get what you're saying. Because for a long time I was so hung up on my infertility that I let it define me but I'm so much more than that!!!

twondra said...

Oh, hit it so perfect and EXACTLY how I feel. Your words are so awesome. Thanks so much for posting this. (((HUGS)))

kirke said...

I feel exactly this way, a little bit in limbo. I don't fit in w/ my married friends with kids, and I don't fit in with those who have yet to marry. Awkward.

Straubles said...

So true. I know the Lord gives us seasons of life, but somehow my seasons have always been off kilter. I've found it just makes me trust and hope more that in God's time, I'll get to enjoy the blessings of the next season in life. I think balancing the hope and expectation of God's grace and faithfulness in our lives is a journey that will last until we reach heaven! :-)

Andi said...

Love this post!
A friend of mine and I used to say we were gonna start a small group and call it "The In-Betweeners".

Tanner's said...

You fit perfectly in my world my friend!

Amy said...


Once again perfectly put.


I Believe in Miracles said...

That's a great post! Love it. I always feel like the grass is always greener elsewhere, but the inbetween category sounds like it fits too.

I'm praying for you.