I've been very sentimental lately about my sister's boys and how much they've grown. I'll admit that watching them grow sometimes reminds me of the children we lost and how much time has gone by on this long journey to our baby. I always thought that our children would grow up together and be babies together. My first baby should have been born roughly a month after my sister's second son came into the world. Yes, I still mourn the fact that they won't be small together even though I know that they will still have a special bond.
But aside from all that, and despite how much I love who they are now, I miss the precious little boys that they were!
I miss those first cuddles and the wonder of new life.
I miss those big, gummy smiles.
I miss the excitement of becoming a brand new aunt... again.
I miss the baby brother who was almost as big as his big brother. :)
I miss watching my husband learn how to become an incredible uncle (he's an old pro now).
I miss those sweet giggles.
And I miss the time when they could BOTH fit in my lap.
As much as I miss these precious baby boys who stole my heart 9 and 7 years ago, I absolutely love them just as much today. I know that even though it didn't all work out in my timing and my way, we had these little boys when we did because we had a giant hole that needed to be filled. My sister let us "parent" her boys and love them with all we had while we lost and longed and waited. The truth is that we didn't have to wait for children to love. God put these boys into our lives at the right time - His time - to help us heal.
I never could have imagined that they wouldn't meet their baby cousin until they were in 2nd and 4th grade, but I can't wait until that day comes! I have loved every moment of watching my nephews grow, and I think that moment will be all the more precious because of the years we've spent knowing and loving them. I know we have plenty of years of smiles ahead!