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Friday, August 14, 2009

More of the Same


It's that time of year when many people are busy with the beginning of a new school year.

I seem to always have a hard time with these "new beginning" and "moving forward" kinds of occasions. Right now most of my friends are school shopping, meeting new teachers and new friends, and watching their children grow and learn. Don't get me wrong - I'm sure that if I had school-age kids, I might not be looking forward to sending my little ones off to school. I know it's often a stressful time for parents and kids, but I find myself once again feeling left behind.


For me, a new school year means just a couple of things:
driving carefully through school zones again;
blissfully empty and quiet movie theaters on weeknights;
realizing that I am in the same place as last summer,
and the summer before that,
and the summer before that...

It's definitely not the time of year that gets me down. Each year around this time I look forward to the end of summer and the prospect of lower temperatures (although we have to wait a while for that where I live in Texas). Autumn is actually my favorite season. Typically, Chuck and I try to plan vacations in the fall, because of the nice weather and the smaller crowds. This year, however, we traveled with my family much earlier, in May, which leaves me longing to have something to look forward to this time of year. I certainly don't long for my own school days. I'm very happy to be done with my own days of classes and homework and schedules!

I think I'm just missing something. Something different. Some progress, maybe. Instead, I feel stagnant. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, like I'm stuck while people around me keep moving forward.

A new school year for me means more of the same. Another day in the life of a stay-at-home-wife.

15 comments:

Emily said...

Since I am a college English teacher, the beginning of school mainly means a return to work for me, but since I only teach two days a week, I notice the same things you mentioned (slowing down for school zones, etc.) I'd add to your list quieter trips to Walmart (and malls), since there aren't as many kids running around.

Brad and I love fall vacations, mainly because of the cooler weather they offer. Maybe you could plan a weekend trip or even a day trip or two this fall so that you will have something different on the horizon. :)

Jenn said...

I know I can't "fix" things with any magic words. So I just want to say I love you and keep on keeping on. Galatians 6:9!!!!!

Becky said...

I am so sorry Stacey. I continue to pray for God give you and Chuck the children you desire. I relate very much to this post. Even though we moved and I started a new job fairly recently (so a new beginning of sorts), I still find myself praying to God almost every morning asking for His grace, mercy, and strength just to make it through the day. I too feel left behind.

A said...

Not much changes for me in the fall, either...and I know where you're coming from about it reminding you that you're in the same place as last year and the year before.

You're in my prayers!!

prayerfuljourney said...

I know what you mean about everything being the same each fall too. However, since I am a sub-teacher and I'm taking two grad classes this fall...I'll have a lot to keep my mind off of that fact...I still do not have children of my own. Oh well.....the school busses will be zooming in front of our house soon too and life moves on. God bless.

The fall around me is gorgeous. There's a nice Japan.ese gardens not far from me that are spectacular in the fall...such vibrant fall colors. Maybe I'll take myself there this fall and relish in God's beautiful nature!

Sunny said...

Oh, Stacey, I can totally understand all of your feelings - each and every one. Until the recent activities with surrogacy, I have felt like a mouse on a wheel just running, spinning, and feverish but getting nowhere. It hurts to see others lives develop and move on and the further they move, the greater the degree of separation. Hugs to you today. I know the pain is so real. I know that God knows what you feel and that His word promises to give us the desires of our hearts. Cling to it and claim it in Jesus' name that you know He will fulfill you.

Connie said...

Just want you to know that we love you. That, I hope, is a comforting kind of "sameness".

Indy said...

Stacey,

I can't imagine entirely the pain you are feeling but my heart is broken for you and the pain that you have endured in this infertility journey. I admire your tenacity and strong faith and long for the day the Lord will grant you the desires of your heart.

In His love,
Indira

Joy said...

Oh Stacey, I'm so sorry! *HUGS*

~ Katie ~ said...

yet again, you hit the hammer on the nail. i wish my hubby understood the whole 'not moving forward, while everyone else is.'

humbird97 said...

Wow... you read my mind. Every change - whether it be in season (Halloween with all the little ones in pumpkin outfits is the WORST), temperature or activities - sets into motion my grief.

I'm so glad I'm not alone! But I wish neither one of us was here...

I used to love fall - it energized me. I used to love Christmas - it reminded me of the happy day I'd give my children. My dreams are still completely dashed, but I know that God weeps with us, too.

Thank you for your words.

twondra said...

Oh, sweetie, I can understand. There are times of the year that come and I think "well next year it'll be different" and of course it never is. Everything happens for a reason and someday we'll understand. (((HUGS)))

Life In Mazes said...

Stacey,
I am sorry this is a tough time for you. I, too, am spending my days wondering when a new beginning to begin for J and I. I got a little jolt of reality yesterday when I was at target and innocently went through the school supply section. I immediately realized that we would be sending our 8 year old to third grade! It never hit me like it did yesterday and I haven't shared that with anyone. Some days just tend to be harder and it seems that the blessings that we are begging for seem so far away, but in God's sight they are right on the horizon! I have to believe that, that prayer alone is how I make it from one day to another.
By the way the word verication is "blesse". We are on our way to being blessed! Sending prayers up to God for you and your Dh!

Shaz said...

I'm sorry Stacey! I do understand!!!! (((hugs)) to you my friend!

Alicia said...

Kinda reminds me of my sweet nephews book.......Truck Stuck in the MUCK. Praying for you girl! This is the first year I've felt what your talking about.